If you’ve got little ones at home, you already know that juggling 9-to-5 responsibilities and drop-offs (plus pickups, dinners, bath times, and bedtime stories) can feel like a never-ending scramble. New research by Vanessa M. Conzon (Boston College, Carroll School of Management) and Ruthanne Huising (ESSEC Business School) published on the website of the Harvard Business Review confirms what many working parents know first-hand: when time is tight, casual chitchat at the office is often the first thing to go.
The Research in a Nutshell
Researchers interviewed and observed 72 professionals with young children at a pharmaceutical company, a professional services firm, and a university to understand how they balance work and childcare. Their key finding? Parents who shoulder a significant share of childcare tend to use streamlined strategies that focus on what’s strictly necessary for the job. For example, they might decline coffee runs, schedule back-to-back meetings to minimize small talk, or slip into a quiet room to finish tasks without interruption. According to the researchers, these tactics free up precious time for both work during office hours and for children before and after work:
- Avoiding: Politely declining lunch invites, social events, and non-urgent watercooler chats.
- Hiding: Working remotely or in secluded spaces to minimise pop-ins from chatty co-workers.
- Strategic Scheduling: Stacking meetings so you have a built-in excuse to cut one short (and pick up a kid at daycare on time).
- Focusing: Steering conversations back to the task at hand when they start drifting into “weekend plans” territory.
Why It Matters
Cutting out non-essential interactions helps you keep the lights on — both at home and at work — but it can come at a cost: fewer close friendships and a nagging feeling that you’re on the outside looking in. This lack of social connection might make it harder to tap into office gossip, get informal career advice, or just feel like part of the team.
Parents who need that extra time for caregiving have to tighten up their social calendars at work. Meanwhile, childfree colleagues — or parents who aren’t as involved in day-to-day childcare — often have more freedom to connect and bond over happy hours or impromptu pizza runs.
What Parents Can Do
Recognizing the costs of a hyper-focused approach is an important first step. While zeroing in on tasks can free up valuable time at home, it may also mean missing out on deeper workplace connections. Over the long term, strong work relationships can foster collaboration and career growth, so it’s worth keeping in mind what you might be sacrificing by always cutting conversations short.
Scheduling social time can be a lifesaver for busy parents who can’t linger around the break room. Instead of lengthy lunch breaks, consider a quick, weekly coffee run or a short lunch date with coworkers. Even a half-hour can help you stay in the loop, maintain friendships, and show that you value your team beyond the job at hand.
Sharing the load at home is another key strategy. Childcare shouldn’t fall on a single parent—especially if that parent feels like the default caregiver. Partners can step up and divide responsibilities more evenly. This not only provides some breathing room for both parents but also fosters a healthier, more supportive family dynamic.
How Managers Can Help
Managers have a unique opportunity to support working parents by acknowledging and respecting their scheduling constraints. For starters, it helps to recognise that some employees can’t make it to every after-hours gathering or lunchtime party—and to avoid pressuring them to do so. Providing alternative avenues for connection, such as formal mentorship programmes or team-building sessions during standard work hours, also makes a big difference. These structured interactions allow parents to develop strong working relationships without feeling guilty for missing spontaneous happy hours.
Another key step is to shift the focus from face time to actual results. By rewarding employees based on the quality of their work rather than how long they stay in the office, managers can cultivate a culture that values performance and recognises the realities of parenting. When employees feel supported rather than penalised for meeting their family responsibilities, everyone benefits, from morale to productivity.
At the end of the day, parents have a finite number of hours. It’s entirely understandable to trade small talk for family time. But the research shows that you also need at least some social connection at work — not just for networking, but for a sense of belonging. The good news? With a bit of planning (and maybe some backup help from your partner), you can carve out a system that works for everyone.
Source: Harvard Business Review. For more insights, check out the original article: Parents Are Minimizing Work Relationships to Make Time for Childcare